i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
