Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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