I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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