I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
