We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
