I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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