Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
