I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're like the curious george of whores
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
