well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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