You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
