you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
