words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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