Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
