I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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