I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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