Please, let me fuck your mom
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
