Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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