fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
