two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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