mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Drake has all the answers
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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