I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize