i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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