you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize