Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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