sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
