This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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