we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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