Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
