At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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