I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my liver is dry heaving
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
