I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
