There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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