I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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