I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
