Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
