Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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