Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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