my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
