the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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