If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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