mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
