Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
