Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
