No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
