I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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