I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
