THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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