..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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