So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
