4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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