If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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