I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
