I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
