she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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