If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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