What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
