Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
