we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
