there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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