i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
