I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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