You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
