I wish I only lived at night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He better not be in your backpack
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
