dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize