Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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