two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
