It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
