Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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