When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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