hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
