It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
