Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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