i jhust puked up my retainher.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
