Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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