I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
