She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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