woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
