So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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